


Murdoc's Fresh Start

by PikaPikaPikaPikachu



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Death, Dramatic, Grilled Cheese Idolization, Homestuck (Implied), M/M, Mentions of Sex, Romance, Strong Language, Thriller, Vocaloid - Freeform, Wedding, slow-burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:22:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24990751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PikaPikaPikaPikachu/pseuds/PikaPikaPikaPikachu
Summary: After losing half of his band, how will Murdoc cope with being left alone with Russel? One of the men who broke his nose, and perhaps his heart? How will 2D cope with being married? How will Noodle cope with being dead?
Relationships: Ace Copular & Stuart "2D" Pot, Ace Copular/Stuart "2D" Pot, Eventual Murdoc Niccals/Pyramid Head, Murdoc Niccals/Pennywise (IT), Murdoc Niccals/Russel Hobbs, Russel Hobbs/Grilled Cheese
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this! I worked on it tirelessly to make sure it came out PERFECT!!!!

**Bittersweet**

2D wiped his eyes, sniffling and whimpering quietly, his lower lip wobbling as his eyes trailed down to Noodle’s coffin, AKA wedding altar, AKA race car bed. Murdoc stood in ill-fitting priest’s robes, droning on about a rash on his pimply green ass, much to the dismay of everyone else in the room.  
Russel gruffed quietly behind 2D, nudging him gently, asking, “You alright?”  
2D nodded, despite the lump forming in his throat, bile churning in his stomach, “Y-yeah,” he whispered, “O-oi’m fine.”  
Ace, finally having gotten tired of Murdoc’s shit, carefully grabbed his face and pushed him backward, forcing him to trip over Noodle’s corpse. He smiled, taking 2D’s hands in his own, stepping toward him.  
“Think we’d be better off elopin’, bub?” he asked cheekily, sticking out his forked tongue.  
2D nodded in relief, leaping into his strong yet scrawny arms, before the two speedily left. Murdoc scoffed, glaring after them.  
“Buncha ungrateful pricks I tellya wot,” he huffed, greeted soon thereafter by a firm smack on the back of the head from Russel.


	2. A Golden Opportunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the funeral/wedding, Murdoc tries to find a way to cheer himself up, but Russel is less-than-willing to help.

**A Golden Opportunity**

Russel hummed as he enjoyed his grilled cheese. It was that good kind of cheese that was really melty, but not, like, fully liquidy. You know what I mean? Anyway, he was enjoying his sandwich when Murdoc sprinted in, slamming two tickets on the kitchen table.

“Oi Russel!” he squawked, “Yew like tha Golden Girls?”

Russel squinted his terrifyingly empty and blank eyes, giving Murdoc a sultry glare, letting the word roll off his tongue like chocolate off velvet, “No.”

Murdoc puffed up his disgusting, gangrenous cheeks in a pout that could be considered cute were it not coming from a 50+ year old man-child, barking with an air of indignation, “C’mon, I awready bought tha tickets! Yew can’t dip out on me like… well… me!”

“Yes,” Russel said, standing up with his grilled cheese, a grilled cheese he’d kill for, a grilled cheese he had  _ already _ killed for, “I can.”

“Naoo!” Murdoc bellowed, “Remember tha time I helped yew with ‘at eel?”

“Yeah?”

“So c’mon!”

“Those things ain’t related, guacamole ass.”

Murdoc huffed and flopped on the filthy kitchen floor, rubbing his rippling pectoral muscles against the even-filthier-than-the-floor rug in a tantrum.

Russel sighed, setting down his beloved grilled cheese, “Fine.”

Murdoc perked up, stumbling to his feet, “Awright! C’mon, 2 AM concert! Be there!” before running out.

Russel sighed. He knew he would regret this. 


	3. An Unlikely Reonion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc encounters a surprisingly familiar face in the police station.

** An Unlikely Reonion **

The once-golden Golden Girls lay in a smoldering heap at Murdoc’s feet. He peered back over his shoulder at the crowd of fans gathered, all dead silent. Including Russel. He held up an arm and gave a thumbs-down gesture.

Later that night, Murdoc was taken into custody for having murdered the Golden Girls via fireworks that were supposed to create an image of his face in the sky. Well… at least he was in the news, either way.

In the interrogation room, Murdoc Niccals, murderer of the Golden Girls, sat, bored as could be. That was, until, Cyborg Noodle walked in. Murdoc gasped in shock, covering his mouth with his gross, gangly hands. 

“LoNg TiIIme No SeE ;)” she spoke, voice glitching out, “I caNt StOp WiNKinG PlEaSE HelP mE ;)”

“And whoiy should I do ‘at?” Murdoc guffawed, snorting at her like a wild hog.

Cyborg Noodle trailed around the table, holding a water pistol, “BeCaUSE I HavE SoMEthIng YOu DoNT ;)”

“Nuffin I want, I’m sure,” he retorted snarkily, kicking up his high-heeled, bright red, sequin-covered, 9-inch-heeled boots up on the table, handcuffs jangling around his wrists as he rest them in his lap.

“Au COntRaAAAiRe ;O” she blepped, holding up a scratched CD.

“Dolly Parton’s Greatest Hits!?” Murdoc gasped, eyes going wider than his ass was thicc, “Where’d yew get ‘at!?”

“;3 FrOm yOUuR shItTy 1978 BlUe CAmAAAro WiTh nOOo DoOrs,” she smirked smugly, pointing her water pistol at his temple. 

“Dew it. I focken dare yew,” he shut his eyes, “Got nuffin tah live fer widdout ‘at CD.”

“I’lL gIIiVe It BaAck… On OnE cOnDIition… ;(“ she smiled wider, synthetic skin tearing in stripes, revealing green, scaled metal underneath. She was a scaley.

Murdoc swung his legs off the table, falling out of his chair, flopping around the floor like a fish out of water, “Yew vile bitch! Ought ‘ave ya scrapped fer parts! I’ll never dew it!”

“I waAant… RuSSel’S… GriLleD… ChEEEsE. ;}..” she breathed shakily, excitement coursing through her circuitry.

“I’ll dew it!” Murdoc perked up, scooting across the ground like a sad snail. Cyborg Noodle took off his handcuffs and left Murdoc alone. He got up swiftly, sneaking out of the third story window, falling into a strawberry bush outside. Mmm. Strawberries.

Russel, however, felt something was wrong. He felt it in his bones. He hugged his grilled cheese tighter as he watched the Golden Girls get hauled away, before they turned into zombies, of course. He gently kissed the top of his sandwich. His precious grilled cheese with that kind of cheese that’s, like, pretty melty, but not too much. He had to watch his figure, after all. Russel quickly left the venue, not knowing that Murdoc was waiting right around the corner………… 


	4. Destiny's Crossroads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc reminisces on his past.

**Destiny’s Crossroads**

Murdoc lunged at Russel, who held his grilled cheese with that cheese that’s kinda melty in a good way, teeth bared and tongue flailing.

Suddenly, the most famous Vocaloid, Otomachi Una dove in front of Russel, saving him from Murdoc’s yellow, corn-like teeth.

//FLASHBACK//

Murdoc and 2D entered the Hot Topic/Gamestop, which was a store kinda like when Taco Bell mixed with KFC, looking around with great intrigue. Murdoc bit his snake bites suggestively, winking at a t-shirt with Morgan Freeman on it.

2D gasped, cheeks flushing bright blue like he did when he was being choked by Murdoc. Murdoc followed his gaze to the cashier. Ace. He was turned around, but Murdoc recognized him from his thicc, JuicyTM ass, and his booty shorts that read “Bite Me” in comic sans. 2D drooled openly, much to Murdoc’s hypocritical disgust. Ace turned around, ass throwing him off-balance as he did.

“Muhrdawk!” he whined in a very unsexy and squeaky voice, “Yew’ve gotta help me!”

“N’ whoy should I?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes several times.

“Remember literally everyfhin yew’ve ever done tah me? Can yew jus’ be a decent hewman bein’ one toime?” 2D pleaded.

“Fine,” Murdoc huffed, walking him up to the register.”

He and 2D stared silently at Ace, who stared back with a blank smile. Not a single word was exchanged, nor did anyone blink. The silence carried on for several minutes, even as other customers entered (and left, after having sensed the sexual tension ;).)

Finally, Murdoc bit his snake bites, winking at Ace, who bit his lip ring in reply.

“Yew remember ‘at time I did yew a favor?” Murdoc asked his old friend, Ace.

“No?” Ace replied, waggling his brows.

“Well pretend it ‘appened. Yew wanna fock me best mate?” he clapped 2D on the shoulder.

“Sure,” Ace shrugged, grabbing 2D by the collar of his men’s small, black Hello Kinky shirt, pulling him behind the counter.

Fade to black.

The store’s power had gone out.

//PRESENT DAY//   
  


Murdoc, Russel, and the legend Otomariachi Una stood around, confused. Una squinted at Murdoc.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, winking at him angrily. 

“Honestly, what’s  _ right _ wiff me?” he replied, sighing dramatically, slinking to the floor and taking off his shirt, before then proceeding to do the worm.

Una turned to Russel, bowing politely and dramatically. Russel blushed, turning his head away.

“You want a bite of my **:b:** illed **:b:** heese?” he asked shyly.

Una took the sandwich, licking it once before handing it back to him. Russel blushed further, throwing it over his shoulder like it was fucking radioactive. Never again would he enjoy that grilled cheese with that cheese that was, like, perfectly melty, but not TOO melty.

Una winked at you.


	5. Pennywisdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murdoc meets a new love interest to replace Russel!

Pennywisdom

“Penny for your thots?” A mysterious clown asked, leaning his phat nose out of the sewer grate under Murdoc, staring up his skirt. 

Murdoc gasped, blushing, moaning loudly as he honked the clown’s nose, groaning, “Whore yeeeew?”

“You forgot an apostrophe,  _ bitch _ ,” The clown huffed, slinking backward into his original space, “Ahm 2D’s sleep paralysis demon. Moi nayme’s Hatsune Miki.”

Murdoc blushed further as he picked up the licked grilled cheese with the cheese that was kinda melty, melty enough to get stuck to the sidewalk, melty enough to engulf Murdoc’s hand in cheese. The green goblin man wailed and thrashed, trying to get free from the salty embrace.

“Get fucked looser,” Hatsune Miki snickered, phasing through the grate like the Terminator, “;)”

“Hatsune Miki, pwease, hewp me!!!” Murdoc uwu’d miserably, sobbing and wailing with all his might, “I’ww do anyfing!”  
“Anyfing?” Hatsune Miki gasped, blushing, turning around and bending over.

“Anyfing!” Murdoc repeated, climbing on his back.

Hatsune Miki carried Murdoc away piggyback-style from the attacking grilled cheese with that cheese that’s like.

Cyborg Noodle stared as they ran away from it, gasping to herself, “NoW’S mY CHAAnNcE ;D”

She tiptoed towards the grilled cheese wearing her MoonShoesTM, tripping and breaking her ankle off just as she reached the sandwich. Cyborg Noodle gasped in pain, reaching out a hand to the sky in one final, desperate attempt to be saved, before she was washed over by a tidal wave of cheese that’s.

Murdoc stared back over his shoulder at a 47 degree angle, one single tear rolling down his cheek as he watched Cyborg Noodle be destroyed, “Dowwy Pawton…” he whimpered, lower lip trembling.

“Hey baby,” Hatsune Miki whispered in his ear, lips ghosting over the shell of his ear and causing a shiver to go down his spine, “Guess what I got for you? It’s  _ long _ and it’s  _ hard _ and it’s just for you.”

Murdoc gasped as Hatsune Miki held up a floppydisk labeled  _ “Dolly Parton.” _

“Ever seen Jem and The Homograms? This is basically our Synergy!” Hatsune Miki squealed at a pitch high enough to break glass.

Murdoc sobbed, his chest heaving up and down as he clung to Hatsune Miki for dear life, wailing and shaking as he struggled to catch his breath, managing to cry out, “Fank yew!”

This was the beginning of a beautiful relationship……….. 


	6. Poggers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT!!! Poggers!!! :(

Poggers

Russel sighed miserably, sitting down in the middle of the road, cars crashing and getting stuck against his fat, sweaty ass. The most famous vocaloid, Una Otomachi, sat beside him, patting his back reassuringly. She hugged his arm, frowning, whispering, “Roll for recovery. +1 dex modifier.”

Miserably jangling his hooves, Russel tossed down his identical set of one-sided dice, rolling a total of 3.

“Oh no……… you’re a furry,” Una gasped, pulling back from Russel as he sprouted fur and his snout grew longer. His fursona was a horse.

Standing up on all fours, Russel trotted along the road ahead of Una, who quickly flew up with a saddle to ride his back like the majestic horsie he was. Eventually, they caught up to Hatsune Miki, giving a piggyback ride to Murdoc, running from the grilled cheese tidal wave. Russel found himself incapable of describing the cheese, other than that it was much too melty, now. He shed one single tear for his lost love, and then another, and then one more out of his (metaphorical) third eye.

Ice whined into the phone from within the phonebooth, complaining about how he’d recently been declared a robot by the government, and was currently on the run. The grilled cheese cared not, crushing his booth under its dummy thicc weight.

Russel neighed loudly as he picked up his pace, encouraged by Una’s singing, “Do your best, do your best!”

Murdoc whimpered as he held his floppydisk close to his heart. A floppydisk with CHEESE on it!!! He looked up at Hatsune Miki, who had cheese coming out from underneath their wig. Could he be a long lost part of the cheese????? Probably not. He’s probably just gross.

“Hop into my car!” Otomagotchi Una called, forcing Russel to leap into her Mercedes Benz with a pick-up truck bed attached to the front.

Murdoc and Hatsune Miki leapt in as well, quickly speeding away from impending doom.

“Yew know,” Murdoc sighed, looking down, “Fings were a wot easier before we had fans.”

“I know baby,” Hatsune Miki sighed better, patting his own back reassuringly, “That’s how it was for me, too. It gets worse. I wanna die.”

“Fanks baby ‘at’s reassurin’ to tha max,” Murdoc scoffed, glaring at his newly-found long-term lover and potential baby daddy.

“Hey, can I ask why Russel became a furry?” Una asked, only to receive confused glares from Murdoc and Hatsune Miki, quickly shutting her up about the topic, forcing her to look down at her lap as she drove, “I just wanted to play Minecraft.”

“We’ww pway Minecwaft when we’re dead!” Murdoc guffawed, raising a lit torch in the air, “Onward!”

Though that would’ve been ideal, they were quickly stopped by a police block set up in the road to stop Murdoc, as he had committed innumerable crimes, including killing the Golden Girls. He grit his yellowing, half-rotted teeth as he forced the car to leap over the barricade. How he did it, you’ll never know.

Russel neighed appreciatively, slowly morphing into a more anthro and less biologically accurate form of horse. Murdoc stared, entranced, blushing at the beautiful horse man. He looked like an anime boy with a horse body and human face. It was… breathtaking.

Murdoc looked back at Hatsune Miki, who smiled, honking their nose, unaware of Murdoc’s inner turmoil surrounding his unfinished business with Russel, and his newly started business with Hatsune Miki. Russel was a monogamous man, Murdoc knew that, but he still desired both of his deepest loves.

“Life isn’t fair,” Murdoc observed morosely, looking down with a heavy smirk on his face.

“If life was fair we’d spell it arfe,” Russel spoke softly in his chocolatey velvet tone.

Murdoc’s inner goddess was doing a lil’ salsa merengue, and he looked away.

This would be trouble.


	7. The Furture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cherished love is lost, and a former friend comes to the light.

The Furture

Four minutes had passed.

Hatsune Miki was dead, laid out on top of Noodle on the race car bed/wedding altar/funeral pyre. Murdoc sniffled as he stared down, feeling Russel’s hoof patting his back. Hatsune Miki had discovered Murdoc’s REDACTED fetish, and, well, he couldn’t have anyone knowing about that, not even you.

“I’m sorry, man,” Russel sighed, swooshing his long, curly bald head from side to side.

“Yew reawwy mean ‘at…?” he whimpered, hugging around Russel’s fat neck.

Russel nodded, frowning in a seductive manner, “Yeah. I do. Now it’s just us. Everyone else is dead or married…”

“I can play whatever Noodle played, probably!” Tomselleck Una piped up, smiling brightly, wanting to do her best to help her new BFF.

“‘At couwd work,” Murdoc gasped, excited, eyes sparkling. They were on fire, but just a little. As a treat.

Murdoc took out his bass, the fish, and began to play. From the ground rose the Devil himself, carrying a fiddle, and they played a wicked rendition of “London Bridge” together. Russel teared up, moved by his playing, bowing down on his front two hooves. He nearly burst into sobs as Una joined in, playing the guitar in Japanese.

NOODLE SAT UP FROM HER GRAVE!!! Knocking Hatsune Miki off of her.

Murdoc gasped and dropped his bass as Noodle approached him. She stared silently at Russel, who then stared silently at Una, who frowned and left alongside the Devil to go to Target to start their new duo together. Noodle t-posed aggressively, intimidating Murdoc greatly.

“She’s got a good point, Murdoc,” Russel frowned, biting his upper lip.

“Yew’re roight… We need to get 2D back!” Murdoc declared, storming out of the Wendy’s.

\\\Flashback\\\

Ace Copular sat comfortably beside Stuart Pot in bed, cuddling him, arm wrapped comfortably around his waist. He smiled, content, nuzzling the top of Stuart’s head gently. Stuart giggled, tickled by the action, leaning up and pecking his cheek in response.

\\\Flashback End\\\

Murdoc teared up, looking down, “We can’t dew it. Not aftah seein’ ‘ow ‘appy it made ‘im!”

Russel stared directly down, neck possibly broken, “You’re right… but we need someone to replace him. Got any ideas…?”

Tapping his chin, the green fella suddenly found the answer to all their woes, “I know! We’ll just clone me!”

“Sounds stupid. I’m in,” Russel nodded, looking to Noodle for approval.

Noodle had not stopped t-posing, and after a few moments of staring, Ruseel nodded, “She’s right. We should just clone 2D.”

“Foine,” Murdoc huffed, “But I ain’t gonna like it!”

He would. 


	8. Garden of Gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long leave....... I return.......... ;)

Garden of Gold

Murdoc hauled the cloning machine out of his basement, alongside a blow-up doll and blow-up banana-shaped boat. He teared up as he saw the blow-up doll, noticing how much it looked like Hatsune Miki.  
“Don’t smile because it happened. Cry because it’s over,” Russel reminded Murdoc with a firm hoof to the throat.  
Murdoc fell backwards down the stairs, snapping in half at the bottom. His vision swirled to flames, and he felt his spirit being dragged downward, toward a fiery abyss.

He awoke twelve seconds later in Hell, being prodded by a long stick. Peeking his eyes open, Murdoc was greeted by one of the four newly-elected queens of Hell, Betty White. She stared pensively down at Murdoc.  
“We meet again,” she spoke eloquently, her long, flowing Burger King kid’s meal crown swooshing in the wind.  
“Bad Bitch Betty!” Murdoc gasped, scandalized, grimacing.  
“The very same, basic bitch Murdoc!” she laughed victoriously, “You gave me more power than your tiny piss brain can even comprehend!”  
Long Furby snaked up Betty White’s arm, hissing at Murdoc through its beak. Murdoc stumbled backward, bumping into something. Looking up, he saw Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, and Estelle Getty, all holding electric batons. Murdoc was soundly beaten.

On the surface, Russel jopped.  
Noodle shook her head, frowning, forbidding Russel and forcing him to stop via her telepathic powers. Distantly, they could hear Murdoc getting his ass whooped.  
“...” Noodle said, frowning deeper.  
“Understood,” Russel sighed softly, rubbing his cheeks with his thicc hooves.  
Russel trotted over to their spare cloning machine, the first having been destroyed by the grilled cheese wave. He took out a little baggie, which contained 2D’s hair, from his pocket, tossing it into the machine. After a few flicks of the levers, the machine glowed, and a clone of 2D, though inside a baggie, flopped out. He thrashed around like a fish in a particularly dry and miserable meat market, gasping, placing his lips to the sides of the bag, searching for air. Russel narrowed his eyes and opened the bag with his supple lips.  
“Oh thank you, kind sir!” 2D gasped, his voice posh and eloquent as he stood up and dusted himself off, “I was in a right bit of trouble! I-”  
He was kicked in the throat my Russel’s back hooves. Both of them. At the same time. This kick sent 2D careening off into a horn pile nearby. Ouch.  
“...” Noodle noted pensively, cocking a brow in mild curiosity at the 2D clone in the horn pile.  
Russel, realizing that the horn pile wasn’t there earlier, frantically checked the calendar.  
4/13.

Somewhere, far away, in another time entirely, there was a boy. He was green and had just turned 13. Enter his name.

>Pickle Man.

Honestly?? Close enough. Pickle Man reached out towards the screen, towards you, attempting to grasp at your throat. Alas, he had no arms. How about you help him find some?

>Pick up arms.

Unfortunately, there were no arms to be found. He lied on the floor and cried.

Back in present day, Murdoc was still getting his ass whooped in Hell. For some reason, the memory of his 13th birthday occurred to him. He looked down at his arms. They were there. Gathering up his strength, Murdoc stood, grasping the three electric batons. He was electrocuted and fell down. Poor, dumb bastard.  
Betty White held up her hand, her Furby hissing to get the other queens’ attention.  
“That’s enough,” she hummed, the edges of her lips quirking into a smile, “He’s learned his lesson. For now. Send him back.”  
The other three Golden Girls lifted him up, throwing him skyward. Unfortunately, they were indoors, so he just hit the ceiling and fell back down. Taking further pity on him, they carried him outside, and then threw him again.

Murdoc gasped as he returned to the land of the living, still snapped in half. He blinked slowly, words forming on his tongue like foam in a rabid dog’s mouth.  
“Pickle Man,” he spoke his true name.  
And then all hell broke loose.

**Author's Note:**

> Even more serious fics to come shortly. ;)


End file.
